Ramblings

Ramblings

27 November, 2011

My NaNo Update
(cleverly cribbed from my NaNo page)

27 November, 2011

I will freely admit that I failed at keeping you posted about my progress this month.

However--I did a *great* job with the writing. I am still working...wondering if I can actually finish the story during November this year.

Every year, at least one person contacts me and asks what the point is. "What is the point of all this writing?" they ask. "Are you publishing this right away?"

Well...the short answers are no, that I'm not publishing right away...and that the point of writing is writing. It is a clear conduit for the elevation and enlightenment of the spirit.

The longer answer is one stated, or at least begun, by National Novel Writing Month's founder, Chris Baty: the world needs my novel. It needs my self-expression and passion; my energy and hope. These things make the world a better place.

The other part of the point is that I need to show up and share my heart in a world that has my novel in it. It's a challenge to keep showing up and sharing myself. It's not easy to keep posting with my heart on my virtual sleeve...and yet, I keep doing it because I believe that it's important. It's important to keep showing up. It's important to keep participating in the world. The world needs my passion. I need to live in a world that needs my passion. It's a win-win.

Every year in November, I feel my passion for writing and living and breathing ignite. I'm not sure at the beginning, I feel the embers glowing in the middle; and by the end, I am positively aflame. I do my best to hold on to the glow of that passion and hope through the dark days of winter. Some years, I do pretty well. Otherwise, my score is abysmal. The point is to keep showing up, keep trying; keep ignoring the messages that suggest I should hide who I am from the world at large.

Here I am again, sharing my passion, my joy. I'm going to try and keep doing it, because showing up and signing on this way helps make the world a better place for me, for you, and for us all.

As we slide into the dark of the year, I will carry the lantern of hope with me...and I invite you to do it, too. Whatever sparks your passion, I hope you stay connected to it. Keep working towards your joy. The world needs our light more than ever.

***PSST---want to join a writing group? Send me a note.***

5 November, 2011

My Notes on Viewing The Thing

Warning: there are numerous SPOILERS below. Be mindful about what you read, if you are planning to see the movie, or if you are easily offended.

As you may be aware, I am a horror movie afficionada. Recently, I went to the theater to watch the movie The Thing, which I was looking forward to seeing thanks to the constant haranguing of my older brother. We had heard different things about the purpose of this movie: whether it was intended to be the prequel to the original film (which is what I had heard), or, as my brother heard, the replacement (a la Zack Snyder's still-debated 2005 version of Dawn of the Dead). I was attracted to the movie not so much because of my love of the original version—although I did enjoy it quite a bit—but because the currently playing version appeared so intriguing.

The following contains my notes about the movie: things that stood out for me. Your mileage may vary.

At the beginning of the movie, we are treated to a sweeping panoramic view of a scientific camp located in the isolated ice-choked mountains of Antarctica. This is reminiscent of the opening of 30 Days of Night, which was directed by the same individuals in charge of the Thing experience. The visuals are sweeping and lovely, inasmuch as they are a clear reminder of our characters' isolation in this place.

The current iteration of the movie is based upon the experience of a female scientist who is invited to attend and participate in the excavation of an unknown creature in Antarctica. She is notified up front that she will be the only female. This notification comes in a half-appropriate, half-disturbing manner that comes across as a nauseating experience. We understand that the scientist will be entering a boys' club, but these men are just people, after all; and we assume that they are dedicated to the science of their vocation. (Why would we not have this belief, when they are working in this cold corner of the world?) Are the speakers expecting the female scientist to be raped, or otherwise attacked, in the all-male environment? The level of uncertainty that the writers create gives one pause.

And the main character did not seem to know how to comport herself in an environment that was primarily male. There is a scene in the beginning wherein the scientist is introducing herself to the crew. The element in this scene that I found unsettling was the scientist's failure to behave in such a manner that would have created some distance between herself and her male compatriots. During at least a portion of that scene, her body language was that of someone who is seeking a sexual partner. While there is one other woman present, she is there not as a professional, but as the partner of someone who is working on the dig—as such, she is mostly invisible.

I was disturbed by the fact that said scientist failed to request further information about the dig prior to agreeing to attend. The lead scientist comes to her at the last moment, announces a next-day dig—the opportunity of a lifetime, we understand—which she must decide immediately whether she would care to join. The paucity of information makes the dig seem intriguing and disturbing from the beginning. I also question our main character's willingness to respond to this request—does she need to make a name for herself? Is she endeavoring to salvage her reputation? The entire invitation has the timbre of a long-admired suitor showing upon one's doorstep with an offer to take you to a long-desirable location—but, says this beautiful person, we have to leave five minutes from now. There is so little information that the invitation itself begins to feel warped or problematic, as opposed to what we might otherwise have believed under other circumstances.

I have already mentioned the fact that the cold is an omnipresent, if silent, feature of this movie. Why, then, did the actors constantly wear what I believed to be unrealistic and inadequate protection from said cold? I was frequently distracted from the plot because actors were running about barefaced, bareheaded, and barehanded.

On another note: I really must praise the filmmakers for their outstanding application of elements in order to create tone. The elements conspired to create isolation. They had a masterful hand in creating suspicion and discontent. The divisiveness among crew members happened suddenly, but organically. It has been quite some time since I have felt such a fine pitch of terror while watching a film. (Normally when this happens, it is the result of my mental extrapolation of the current on-screen problem.)

The special effects were appropriate and believable. Although I am a longtime fan of horror, I am not such a fan of special effects. The makeup, et al. should enhance the other aspects of the movie, rather than being a standalone element. (Filmmakers who “go for the grossout” are irritating to me.) In this film, I am pleased to say that I was surprised in a very nice way: the filmmakers did not try to use the special effects to carry a weak plot, unbelievable characters, less than tenable plot, or other story elements. Each of these was functional independently.

Okay: now on to the heavy spoiler section. For this portion, I'm switching to a list format. I have a book to write (it *is* November), and a chapter to study for tomorrow's study session. Remember: these are SPOILERS. Don't read these unless you want to understand something of what takes place in the film.

Why did the crew fail to take more pictures before moving the creature encased in the block of ice? This must have been the find of a lifetime. Even I, who works far afield of this profession, know that that was unusual. Which brings us to:
Why doesn't the main character argue with the lead scientist when he wants to get the tissue sample? It is highly unorthodox. The find could be contested if they fail to follow protocol. He spoke as though the altercation centered around her public behavior with respect to him, but what is he going to do? This is not a militaristic environment. The worst that he could possibly do would be to de-fund her portion of the trip, and send her back to the mainland. GOOD. People who have flat affect make me very nervous, and this guy's flat affect plus his ridiculously bad attitude spell something horrible.
I was a little disappointed that I couldn't see the creature clearly as it lay encased in the ice. I couldn't even make out the outline. The shape was reminiscent of a bat, a dragon, and a seahorse that got a surprise after they had some sort of private grownup party.
The creature's escape from the ice was impressive, but it left a question as to what the stimulus might have been. Did the creature get out because it sensed the nearness of men (read: a viable food source)?
This is a general comment about horror-movie monsters. If you are fighting some horrible creature, the likes of which you have never seen before—the appropriate response is to let it burn until the flames go out, and then smash, behead, rend, and do all that you can to any pieces that remain. Don't leave your weapon in the monster. Don't go over to what you think must be the corpse after it has been on fire for a scant two seconds. Keep hitting it until it has been demolished.
Why would they bring the creature inside? Note my comment above—they didn't have any evidence that it was genuinely dead!
Why did they fail to wear protective equipment while examining the creature? They don't know anything about the monster. Why take the risk that it has some sort of communicable intergalactic funk?
If you decide that you are going to examine the creature—which may or may not be playing possum—then why not stabilize the thorax/central jaws of the creature, so that it can't close on the arms of the scientists?
Why not check to find out if the creature is the only one?
Okay: here they are, scientists. Why doesn't anyone find it disturbing that the lead scientist doesn't want to take pictures? He doesn't have any interest in taking notes, either. He just wants to get his hands on it. That should have been a huge flag for everyone.
Another flag: why didn't the lead scientist want to secure the creature's “carcass”? That seems to be the first thing that a scientist would want to do, after taking pictures and making notes.
Why did we need to see a ship? This made the film an odd hybrid with the Aliens concept, which seemed out of place, and a little uncomfortable.I
I'm stopping here, for the reasons I mentioned earlier (my book...the studying). But I'm grateful to say that I had a marvelous experience at the movies today. Although it has been a long time since I said this, I mean every syllable when I say that today's adventure was worth every penny.

31 October, 2011

Spiraling into the Black

I am ready to pick up the gauntlet--yes, the writing gauntlet. As you may be aware, every year, I write a novel in the month of November. I didn't make this up by myself. These people (led by Chris Baty) made it up. I just signed up to do it with them.

For a time, it may be worth remembering to check in on my NaNo page. There, I will chronicle the madcap adventure that is taking place inside my head.

The marvelous thing about this thing, which happens every year, is that it's carte blanche to free the avalanche of imagination and let it do what it will. I love the abandon of this writing event. It's colossal and delicious in a way that very little else can manage.

I will be available to provide fine services during this time. If you have any interest, then I would be delighted to talk with you about my experience in writing. Of course, there is still plenty of time for you to sign up--that's allowed until November 25th.

Remember: you can also follow me on Twitter. I'm there as @Tanisia, and I would love to hear from you. (Fair warning: there's a little bit of everything in those tweets.)

Just under ninety minutes of sanity remain. I'm going to prepare the last of my notes before go time.

Be well, and know that my thoughts are with you.

Namaste.

30 September, 2011

Sign of the Times

I have a QR code! Would you like to see it?

I know, you're already here...I'm just saying. I happen to be very excited about this.

My dear friend just asked why I was interested in a QR code. It's a nifty shortcut, sort of a graphic signature that manages to send a message.

I love the idea of that. Communication is fascinating, isn't it? Canadian folk-singer Ferron (one of my favorite musicians) has a song titled "Signals and Messages", which is a wonderfully complex shorthand for the ways in which we reach out to each other.

Reaching out to each other is the whole point, really. It's what we're meant to be doing on this rock we call a planet. However many billions of humans there are now, we are all one spirit occupying different bodies. It's easy to forget that we are already connected on a deeper level, especially when our lives are spinning into a whole new vortex of busy-ness.

We have cell phones, pagers, and all kinds of electronic devices that beep, trill, and chortle at all hours of the night--is there any place where we are not available, these days? Despite all of these ways to create the illusion of connection, so many of us are still suffering from loneliness and malcontent. (Could we call our Facebook "friends" when we need emotional support? What about the people who follow us on Twitter? Are they available to us in the dark hours, when our spirits cry out?)

We are fast sinking into the season of less light. When I met a friend for brunch a few days ago, he told me about the different brands of light boxes that are available at Amazon now. For some of us, an external light may be enough to bring us back from the abyss of sinking moods.

For the rest of us, the dark months are a time to focus on our inner light. When we are willing to focus on it, we can allow that inner light to grow, healing our spirits and allowing us to be at peace with ourselves. That inner peace can help us to accept our own selves, to embrace the dark places where we are fractured; to begin to make ourselves whole.

Part of that process of healing lies in the reaching out we do to share ourselves with other people. We don't have to wait until our lives are perfect, or until we think we are in perfect balance, or at peace. All we have to do is share ourselves--right now, right where we are.

If we intend to invest in the process of our healing, then we can begin by seeking the silence. Yoga, massage, meditation, and Reiki healing are just some of the ways that we can build a bridge to our powerfully silent inner selves.

Instead of wondering when or how, perhaps now is the right time to start. After all: Who knows what gifts that silence has to offer?

22 September, 2011

Goodnight, Gracie!

Just a few hours ago, I learned that the Circle of Light Paranormal Expo has been cancelled.

I feel disappointed about losing this chance to attend my first Expo. At the same time, I am proud of myself for being willing to show up in this capacity. Even though the event did not take place, I have an renewed respect for the process of being available.

I do feel that having signed up for this made me willing to experience other events. Life is all about that flexibility, yes? The cancellation may not have been what I wanted, but accepting it means that I am dealing with life on life's terms. I get to start by accepting what is, and then I can decide what happens next.

If you are feeling disappointed that we won't be meeting there, remember that you are always welcome to contact me here to request an appointment, or you can schedule a session online by clicking here.

If you are planning to hold gatherings for the upcoming holidays, remember that you can add me to the guest list. Whether I am there to offer blissful massage treatments or compassionate intuitive services for your guests, my presence can make your event a success.

17 September, 2011

Fear in the Face of Natural Disaster

We recently survived two natural disasters together. (Remember, we had an earthquake several days before that hurricane.) Natural disasters highlight our powerlessness, which makes them exhilarating and terrifying.

I have lived in California, where there are earthquakes, and North Carolina, which is home to tornadoes, as well as in Florida, which has an entire season when hurricanes are likely to take place. In each of those places, representatives of the media went out of their way to impress upon the public what colossal disasters were just around the corner, on their way, or were presently crushing us. Of course, I understand that it's their job to make certain that we are aware of the risks inherent in extraordinary circumstances. It's just that pretty frequently, representatives of the media make an act as simple as riding the bus seem to be an irresponsible act; one which is fraught with danger, in addition to being borderline impossible.

While we are fortunate to have the media as a vector to pass along information, I think it's important for us to unplug the message from the emotions. It's the emotions that get us into trouble.

Most of us are perfectly willing to move into fear when an authoritative source--in this case, the media--tells us to do so. The fear is intended to make us easier to manipulate. Sometimes this is good. For example, if we need to purchase supplies or complete an action step, it's good that we're spurred into action. Fear does that. (But this is not so good in other kinds of relationships, such as an employee-employer relationship. More on this in another article.)

The problem is that the emotions outlast the actions that we invest in. Long after we have gone to the grocery store, the hardware store, the craft store, and all the other places we need to go and buy supplies--after that, when we are in our safe places, the fear continues to move in us...continues to control us.

It's important for us to find ways to come back to ourselves, and reclaim control of our actions. Of course, control is illusory. We all understand that. But we can step forward and willingly take charge of that which we can control.

In the same manner, we can choose to live in something other than fear. I had an acquaintance once who explained the emotion to me as False Evidence Appearing Real. When fear is the lens that we're seeing through, it makes everything look murky and distorted. Choosing to let go of the fear is choosing to live fully in the present moment, to accept the emotion as part of the background noise, while we come to a new understanding that fear may be present, but it is not important.

Our consciousness is the important element. Our thoughts, decisions, our actions are our gift and our responsibility. These are also the tools that can we can use to shape our lives and our experience. This is powerful stuff, and fear robs us of our ability to command the fullness of it. When we step away from the fear and into our current ability to take action, we are making a difference. Breathwork, meditation, energywork, and massage are some of the tools that we can use to fully embody our consciousness, and they are fully available to us. (If you are currently seeking those services, then click here to schedule a session.)

Whether the thing that's about to fall on our heads is the roof or just a little bit of rain, it's helpful if we remember to keep it in perspective. The universe is a massive place, but the gift is that we are given is the chance to make choices that will allow us to shape our tiny corner of it. We can only do that if we choose--willingly and whole-heartedly--to step away from the fear, into the fullness and possibilities that life holds.

2 August, 2011

After quite a bit of thought, I have decided to sign up for a trial period with Schedulicity. This, in case you have not heard, is a service that allows people to schedule appointments online. The biggest benefit is that appointments are instantly available--as opposed to waiting for an office to open. I like the concept, and this service appears to offer tasteful options. I invite you to tell me how you feel about it here.

Oh--and the other thing that I should probably mention is that you can now follow me on Twitter. I know, I know...even grocery stores have things to follow on Twitter. It has taken me a long time to decide that I wanted to be there, too.

Part of the reason is this: I pride myself on figuring out computer challenges fairly quickly. Every once in a while, though, I'm just stumped. That was where I was about Twitter for a long while.

Fair warning: I don't always send messages very regularly. What you can expect is that when I have something to say, it's pretty interesting...or at least, it's about something that I thought was interesting. Your mileage may vary, I suppose.

I had dinner with my Quaker friend a few days ago. A psychologist, she is a gentle soul with a strong sense of justice and a marvelous sense of humor. When we spend time together, we normally cook something together, and then retire to the couch for a few hours of serious talking. There's something about that ritual that is nourishing to the spirit.

This time when we met, I told her about something that I don't think I mentioned here before. When I went to Florida in April, I was stopped in the airport four times during security checks.

Four.

It has been a long time since I've flown. I expected that there would be an adjustment period, since I last boarded a plane before the post-9/11 regulations were instituted (click here to read a brief history of airline deregulation). But since I am a basically law-abiding person, and I look friendly, I do believe that some of the thornier situations should pass me over.

That belief is tempered by my basic understanding of the fact that--well, if people are being stopped and screened periodically, than since I'm a person, I'm eligible for this treatment. I have an expectation that sometimes I will be a little uncomfortable because it's my turn to take one for the team. That's fine.

But even though I assume that sometimes I will be the person who is chosen at random, I have to say that, statistically speaking, if I was chosen randomly all four of those times, then I must really have beaten the odds during this recent trip.

The stories I have told myself:

1. The airline people were just doing their jobs.
2. Given the fact that the airports where I was stopped were located in different states, there is no way that airline personnel could have known that I had already been taken aside so many times.
3. Being a little inconvenienced is better than being blown up, or otherwise dying horribly, because someone decided to relax the security standards.

And so on.

These things do not take into consideration the basic fact that, while I maintained an attitude of cheerful compliance, I was beginning to wonder if I was somehow being singled out on purpose. I told myself that getting angry wouldn't help anything. I distracted myself by laughing at the sign that invited people to be searched in private, in case the public search (you know, the search where there are dozens of witnesses, just a couple of feet away the whole time?) was not to their liking.

At the last airport, I was chosen for a hand swab, to test for secondary evidence that I had been handling incendiary materials. The guard with the friendly face explained that I had been chosen at random, and he led me over to a smiling woman who held a spray bottle that appeared to have been swiped from the set of CSI. She explained that she needed to swab my hands, and I complied without hesitation or complaint--aren't both of those responses suspicious to authority?--but I did wonder what would happen to me if someone believed that I were guilty.

While I held a mental vision of a positive outcome, I did not fool myself into thinking that the situation could not have ended badly. I have read too many pamphlets for Amnesty International, wherein people tell horrific stories about poor treatment, false imprisonment, being tortured as a punishment for political reasons (or unknown reasons), the occasional mistaken identity....or people who just disappeared. The physical act of walking through those scanners caused them to go off, despite the fact that my pockets were empty, and there are no metal devices on or within my body--not even fillings. To the best of my knowledge, no surgeon has ever accidentally left a scalpel behind in my body cavity. This means that the devices were faulty, or that some unknown quality about my person caused those alarms to sound.

If I had ended up in one of those little rooms, with an angry official and a search animal on the other side of a Formica desk, then the reason I was there really would not have mattered.

Fortunately, my story had a happy ending. The scans came back negative, the pat-downs were only minimally aggressive, and the swabs were nonreactive.

For hundreds of others, something else happens. I can give thanks for my own freedom while holding in mind a fervent prayer for the safety and well-being of all of the sentient beings on the skin of this planet.

After all that...it may be a little while before I fly again. Of course, I'm willing to let this be an invitation from the universe to send that winning set of tickets to Brazil, or somewhere similarly beautiful. Under those circumstances, I will be glad to eat my words.

Well, that was a lot. I hope your spirit is as ease as you come to the end of these writings. I hope that you can take a moment to meditate on your own fortune, and to send good wishes to those who are struggling.

I hope that you and I are, at this second, sharing an unshakable belief in the goodness inherent in all humankind...and a commitment to look for that goodness in the eyes of everyone we meet.

Until we meet again--

Namaste.

21 July, 2011

I've finally returned from the World Massage Festival, which was held in the mountains of North Carolina. I had so many adventures that I'm not even sure where to start.

At the risk of dating myself--okay, it may be too late for that already--it has been quite some time since I attended classes on a college campus. While I remember attending classes with books and other tools in tow, I can safely say that I have *never* attended classes on a college campus while carrying books, tools, *and* a massage table. Carrying my table (which I love!) from class to class was quite an interesting experience.

The physical challenges inherent in the festival format gave me a new reason to be thankful for my overall hardy condition. Many people have made comments such that they believe that I was on vacation because I was out of town. The truth is that I was generally up between 5:30 and 6 a.m., driving down the mountain by 6:45 or 7, and attending class until 5 or 5:30. Did your last vacation sound like this?

At the festival, I took an introductory course in Lomi Lomi (led by Gloria Coppolla), the many forms of which include a Hawaiian temple massage that blends the sacred and mystical with a truly delightful hands-on experience. I was expecting that to be neither as profound, nor as moving as it turned out to be.

The other courses I took (cervical neck massage and low-back massage) were highly clinical and anatomically-focused, led by Ben Benjamin. (What a change from the experience I had with Lomi Lomi the day before!) I will admit that I signed up for these with some trepidation--but Dr. Benjamin made these both interesting and enjoyable! I would sign up to take courses with him again in an instant.

I did squeeze in a white water rafting adventure on my final day in the mountains. After checking out of my cabin I found a little place by the side of the road, and signed up for what turned out to be a wild ride. While the guide behind the counter explained several times that the water was low, I didn't extrapolate this to its ultimate meaning--read: the rocks will be more of a feature. I got stuck on the rocks, I ran into the rocks, and I actually even lost my boat.

Twice.

Thanks to some kindhearted rafters, all ended well, and both I and my companion were grateful for such a beautiful experience.

I have to say that there was some uncertainty between the high points of the river adventure and the happy ending. I'm so grateful that people showed me how wonderful life is, by saving me again and again. Other boaters, who did not even know me, rescued my boat--and one even came floating up out of nowhere and offered me a ride!

Jake is right: life is most certainly good.

I'm grateful for any experience that helps me to focus on our interconnectedness. It opens my heart when I am reminded of the goodness of people everywhere.

I enjoyed this experience so much that I signed up for another trip to the mountains in just a few months. There is a conference in the mountains of Marion, and I know that attending will fill both my heart and my head.

In the words of my beloved: "Again! Again!"

30 June, 2011

Festival Fantastico!

I am planning to attend the World Massage Festival in July of this year. Despite my years in this field, this will be my first time participating in an event in this fashion.

Although the story I am telling myself is that I'll have to be ready to entertain myself if I've signed up for a snooze-worthy workshop or two; and that I'll have to wear tennis shoes to dodge some aggressive vendors--I can't help but do a little dance of joy each time I think about the WMF.

I've signed up for a workshop on Lomi Lomi, a Hawaiian temple massage modality that makes each treatment a dance between the practitioner and the Divine. While the idea of the modality is not new to me, I've never had any training in it. The videos at the presenter's workshop make it look as though I've made a fantastic choice. I can hardly stand the wait!

So far, I've been able to do a good job focusing on how fantastic it will be to meet other therapists from around the country...and how I'll have a chance to bond with therapists from everywhere.

Misgivings aside, I'm planning to enjoy some easygoing salespeople who have all sorts of delights to peddle. I can't wait for class. There's so much to look forward to!

17 May, 2011

Why I Left Facebook

I just deleted my Facebook account. While it is true that I spent quite a bit of time considering this--an action I started considering in the dark of 2010--I thought I was going to feel uncertain about it at the end. When it came down to it, I didn't think I would be able to hit the 'Delete' button.

But I did...and boy, did it feel good.

Despite the seminars I attended and the well-meaning friends and family who shared their views, I just couldn't keep up with Facebook. Weeding out the Instant Messages and emails was too much for me. Some of them were real, but some seemed to be sales pitches, or read as though they'd been created by robots.

What I learned came down to this: My feelings about friendship and connection are based on more intimate exchanges than what is possible on a site that calls every passerby a 'friend'.

And even though Facebook and other social networking sites are supposed to be the wave of...whatever...I just can't get excited about continuing to participate in a forum that feels more and more plastic. The exchanges are so general...but maybe it's just me. I don't like to share too much in such a public forum. Who knows where the information will end up?

Of course, I know plenty of people who have no difficulty divulging their secrets on Facebook...and what they did the night before...and with whom...and in how many strange places they have bruises this morning. I think something is shifting in our culture. Despite the widespread deterioration of interpersonal relationships, information shared on the Internet is forever. I'm not sure how, but we don't seem to be able to keep that in mind when we type our confessionals on social networking sites.

And many of us are suffering as a result. Students are sanctioned for scheduling fights just outside of school property, employees are losing their jobs for failing to speak highly of their workplaces, their bosses, or their own performance--or sometimes because they divulged one secret too many. I just read an essay written by a woman who said she discovered her husband's long-term affair when his mistress sent the wife a message on a social networking site.

We are losing sight of our boundaries--or perhaps we're recreating them altogether.

But I didn't get rid of my Facebook page because I wanted to make a point about U.S. society in general. I wanted to disconnect myself from the constant deluge of information that created a sense of faux-intimacy that put the lie to relationships that are built on genuine trust and caring.

I want to create real connections again.

"But how will I find out what you're doing?" one friend asked when I told her what I was intending to do. Hmmm. I could hardly stop myself from sighing out loud when she asked me. "Alexander Graham Bell once came up with a device that could be helpful," I reminded her. "Perhaps you've heard of it...?"

"You really need to keep Facebook for your business," my brother opined. A brilliant entrepreneur in Georgia, I understand he knows a lot about building successful businesses. I just can't say that I've had much in the way of feedback when I've talked about what I'm doing with my own business on that site. Even when I have sought volunteers to come to classes that I was instructing, I found myself coming up empty. This didn't feel very good to me, on a lot of different levels.

If our relationships have become dependent upon messages that are posted to a public forum, then how can we say that we have much in the way of relationships at all? Where is the intimacy? Where is the sense of connection? I can't help but feel that they are missing. What remains feels very much like the aftermath of a public confession: emotional nudity at its finest. Where is the personal meaning?

It could be the case that I will feel remorseful at some point. Should that occur, Facebook has assured me that I can sign up again with my original information, which they will keep in their databases on my behalf. I would like to think that is sweet, but it just feels creepy...like receiving greeting cards from an ex with whom things ended badly.

But my work--at its heart--is about embodying connections; about moving closer to the self, and recognizing its essence in all of the people we meet. All of the transactions that take place in cyberspace seem awfully far away to me. I would be delighted to see all of what we are doing move closer to where we live.

In the meantime, I will move forward in my quest to create genuine human connections in an increasingly disconnected world.

Wish me luck. I hope to greet you on the path.

15 May, 2011

I recently renewed my membership in the American Massage Therapy Association. The time seemed right to become more involved in my profession. Also, I have to admit that I was impressed by the organization's rally to action when the State Board recently attempted to make changes that would have been devastating for massage practitioners throughout the state of MD.

You are cordially invited to view my AMTA-sponsored website, and send me your feedback. The page is here, and you are welcome to send feedback via this link. If you send feedback by the end of this month, then I will gladly add a complimentary 15-minute luxury service to your next appointment (when you schedule by June 1, 2011). Mention this essay when you call to schedule!

5 May, 2011

Happy Cinco de Mayo to all!

I've received word that the Circle of Light expo is moving to October of this year. It will take place just weeks prior to the night when the veil between the worlds is thinnest: Hallowe'en (a/k/a Samhain).

But these things are actually secondary to what I wanted to write about today. I have an excerpt from Deb Kaufmann's email, a note from the woman who began International No Diet Day. Here it is:

19th International No Diet Day
Greetings to all of you celebrating this auspicious day.
How far have we come since 1992? Well, in some respects a long, long way.
More health professionals support a 'health at every size' approach.
There are fat study groups in colleges as younger people are challenging the status quo.
And people in the public eye are speaking out about their experiences.
Plus there are a few more clothes to choose from.

But, the pressure is still on us all to be other than we are...
Whether child or geriatric
There's far too many people ever ready with their knives.
And quacks peddling magic drugs and potions
Fat remains an easy and socially acceptable target and a useful vehicle for others to project their self hate.

It is not unusual for oppressed people to understand their oppressors more than they understand us.
So, no surprise if people scratch their heads in puzzlement as we say, in our various ways, "get off our backs" -
when 'they only have our best interests at heart'.
But today is a day of pride and to use our precious creative and fighting energy to challenge institutional sizeism and the nasty trinity:
diet, media and fashion who exploit us all for their own ends.

As a British politician famously said, "Don't let the bastards get you down".
INDD is an opportunity to change the rules: encourage self acceptance and respect for all.
And use your love and friendship to have a great day.... in the way it suits you.
Go well.

In solidarity, Mary Evans Young
Oxfordshire, England

International No Diet Day is a marvelously-timed reminder to be mindful about our relationships with our bodies. It's easy to get sidetracked this time of year. The marketers have only recently abandoned their "lose weight in honor of your New Year's Resolutions" ads in favor of the "work on your beach body" ads, and our self-esteem levels are plummeting as temperatures are rising.

I have noticed that, as the commercials really get going, I sometimes find myself nodding along as the people are talking. Sure, I think, it seems reasonable to buy the food that comes in little plastic trays. I'll be so happy afterwards.

And then I catch myself. Those little plastic trays not only contain anti-food matter, but tests have also revealed that the food (or food product) inside is adulterated with antidepressants, appetite suppressants, and other chemicals. (Sorry--the article where I located this was moved.)

Also, there is the fact that a recent study proved that weight-loss focused health care is ineffective. (This is just one of many.)

Diets tend to make us feel worthless and unattractive. And while we feel bad, we don't do great things. That seems like a waste all around.

Again, I'm not talking about sitting around with a bucket of HoHos in one container, and an IV of McDonald's milkshakes. I just think that we can trust ourselves and each other enough to stop the cruelty and self-loathing. It's not worth picking on ourselves about. It's not worth picking on other people about.

Who gets to decide how someone else's body should look? Unless you are a fashion model, there should be some room for self-evaluation and individualization. We are not the sole determiners of our body size and shape. There are also the effects of genetics, medications, and the like. Add that to the fact that the body ultimately determines its shape, regardless of what we do to it--ask any veteran of dieting, and that one will tell you that eventually, all the tricks stop working, and the body just does what it does--and you get what we're destined to look like.

My point here is just that we human animals tend to forget that we are complex and multifaceted, and that we tend to do better when we treat one another that way. That means we can't treat people like their numbers. Nobody can be reduced to an age, a weight, a BMI, a blood pressure--that number only means something in context. It cannot measure the value of a human being.

So I am standing by my principles. I believe in living the well-examined life, wherein each of us is worthy of love, attention, and the very best of the gifts the universe has to offer, just because we're here.

Huh. I think it has a certain ring to it. Don't you?

30 April, 2011

I recently signed up for a booth at my very first expo, the Circle of Light Paranormal Expo, which will be taking place at the Maryland State Fairgrounds in June of this year. I have never seriously considered attending one of these before, because--well, if I tell you why, I have to tell you a secret.

The secret is...it has taken me a long time to accept both my beliefs about the nature of energy, and my abilities. I understand there is no separation. Essentially, everything is energy. When we talk about any specific healing modality from dentistry to plastic surgery to Reiki to intuitive readings, we're just focusing on one portion of a continuum.

I have offered intuitive services since 1995, but I've been in the closet about that to nearly everyone I know. It was only recently that I started thinking about the fact that hiding this ability is tantamount to hiding my light beneath that proverbial bushel. This creates problems on a number of levels, one of which is the energetic level where I'm holding my gift surrounded with secrecy and shame.

I finally started asking myself why. Here's the biggest reason: I've heard more than enough Miss Cleo jokes in my lifetime already, thank you. These are good for a chuckle, but they also leave me feeling dirty somehow, as though I should pretend to have nothing to do with the field just because there are a handful of well-known scammers who pretend to have psychic abilities so that they can cheat, manipulate, and steal from people. I know that I work from a place of honesty and integrity, so why should I worry about people who are doing something different?

After all, there are con artists in every field. It would simply be exhausting to build a practice based on a continuing series of denials--no, I'm not a con; yes, I'm genuine; no, I don't have the winning lottery numbers!--and there's truly no reason to do so.

The best I can do is to put myself forward with honesty and integrity, and to hope that others will put their fears and prejudices aside, and judge me solely by the timbre of my offerings.

Because the truth is that all we have to offer is ourselves. I am looking forward to sharing my truest self with you when we meet.

Namaste.
11 March, 2011

I just read this article, and I had to share it. Yes, you read that correctly. It really is titled, "Fish Ate My Fungal Rash".

And yes...as far as I can tell, the author is serious.

8 March, 2011

I just signed up for a booth at the Paranormal Expo. This means a lot of firsts. Certainly this is the first event of its type in the state of Maryland--which is saying quite a bit.

Also, this is the first time I have ever been invited to such an event, let alone the first time I have considered attending. I am excited and nervous...did I mention excited?

There is a lot to do between now and the time of the Expo. I get to finish making my logo (which is almost ready!), design banners, revisit my brochures and business cards...wow. How do people do this all of time time? I suppose they have a jump on me, since they drink coffee and I don't, lol.

Okay. I'm off to jump about in excitement for a little while. After that, I'll be planning and preparing. Watch this space for more information.

I am looking forward to meeting you there!

19 February, 2011

So far, so good.

It's the smallest corner of truth that I can break off regarding this year--well, the year to this point.

I am beginning to have some new ideas about how to offer this service. Also, I'm reading a book that is giving me a new group of tools that will help me understand how to create more of what I want. This is a good thing.

I am also taking my sense of play more seriously, by taking a new look at what keeps my inner candle lit.

And I am also giving in to the fact that I believe certain British television series are more complex and compelling than their U.S. counterparts could ever be. Yes, I am talking about Being Human, which which I fell in love on BBC America.

In all fairness, I have not even tried to watch the American version. It's hard to believe that it could be anything like the show I already know and love, and have watched in all its dark, dramatic glory. I understand that I haven't tried. But even the commercials make my gorge leap in unpromising ways. The drama is too...soft somehow. The emphasis is in all the wrong places.

And I'm wondering if this is the year when I find a group to sing with. Maybe I will try out for an opera company, or audition for a play. Piano lessons could even be in my near future. I'm knitting again. Also, I am finally okay with the fact that I want to learn everything. There's a lot to learn, but I have a whole life to work on it, right?

Part of my job is to continue to integrate all of the pieces of my self, reclaiming the bits that were previously lost or rejected, or even forgotten. This day is a gift, and maybe I am too.

All right. I'm just nattering on now. I just wanted to stop in and say that I'm taking a new look at almost everything...looking at the spaces I take up in the world, and seeing if they're truly reflective of who I am and what I believe.

It's a work in progress. More later.

3 January, 2011

About the New Year

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. There, I've said it. I know the thought goes against what the larger culture does, but the truth is that I don't see how these resolutions are helpful to us.

Having said this: I do believe in goal-setting. I also think it's wonderful to review what we're doing with our lives every now and again, so that we can decide whether we're on track to the kind of experience that we want to have. It's a good idea to do this any other day than New Year. That's because our nation's attitude towards the New Year goals we set is that: 1) They are the opposite of serious; and 2) That they are easily disposable.

Let's look at the way New Year resolutions normally unfold: we make a list of goals that we think we should make—not usually based on ideals that we are interested in working towards—and then we share them with other people. If these were goals that we wanted, or if we worked towards them in moderation, then it might make sense to keep up with them.

But we don't do that. We usually say that we're going to, say, lose thirty pounds, or paint the house ourselves, or take up jogging every morning, and fit in four fitness classes eery week. What happens after that? We pressure each other to stick to these punishing and exacting standards, which we continue to work towards...until we collapse in a frenzy of exhaustion and self-hatred.

How does that help us become better people?

The truth is, we can start over whenever we want. There's a Concrete Blonde song titled, "Take Me Home", containing the following lyrics:

...Things get better

every day you stay alive

and I'm amazed

every day

that the sun decides to rise.

Every minute,

every hour

is another chance to change;

life is beautiful

and terrible

and strange....

(I couldn't find the authors, but the song was likely written by Johnette Napolitano and/or James Mankey of Concrete Blonde. You probably know them for the mega-hit titled "Joey". If you haven't heard anything that this band created, you're in for a treat. Johnette continued to sing after the group disbanded. Her voice is whiskey, smoke, pepper, and a big dose of the truth. It's a beautiful thing.)

This song speaks to a central truth of our shared existence: we can make a change at any time. We don't have to wait until the calendar tells us it's appropriate in order to make shifts that will help us create our own happiness. Are we kidding? If we want to make a change, then the right time is always now.

And so. Don't be dismayed by the frenzied "starting over" that takes over our culture at this time of year. You don't even have to be upset if you're participating. There is no time limit to make your life the way you want it. We have as much time as one lifetime provides. These changes—or this new commitment to living in harmony with the self—are best made with compassion. Just do the best you can to embrace this luscious moment that we're living in, and to love it with all of your being.

There...that's the way to start a lifetime, a moment, or even a brand-new year.

5 December, 2010

I went to the MAPCCS (Maryland Association of Private Colleges and Career Schools) conference a few days ago. That organization works very hard to find new ways to support, advance, and secure the future of Maryland's career schools. I had a wonderful time.

I met Duff Goldman! Here is a picture of the two of us standing side-by-side:

This was my most recent brush with celebrity. I have to say that Duff was one of our keynote speakers, and he was humorous and insightful.

He mentioned that he has plans to open a shop in Los Angeles. If I recall correctly, he is planning for this shop to be known as Charm City Cakes West.

One of the interesting things that Duff said: "...put yourself in a position so that awesome things can happen."

Wow. That's pretty profound.

1 November, 2010

(See NaNoWriMo page here...I had a few things on my mind, and they were sort of tangled up with writing)

5 October, 2010

I love horror movies. Wait: I have to qualify that statement. I will state my preference, and my bias, up front for all the world to see. They have to be genuine horror movies, in which a group of ordinary people find themselves facing an extraordinary threat. I expect to see well-developed characters. There must be good dialogue. And I like to see the characters doing things that make sense, but hey--I understand a girl can't expect everything.

I love to watch the ways in which we humans redefine our boundaries. That's my favorite part. Of course, I'm a fan of a good story, regardless of genre. That's really the bottom line. Story wins. Amen.

I'm thinking about this now because it's October, and some channels are showing horror movies throughout the month. I love that. But I usually find myself disappointed, too.

Why do I find myself disappointed? Well, the retooling of the horror genre to let in new movie types has gotten me down. The fact is, I'm not a fan of certain types of movies. I don't care for slashers. That's not horror. I do not enjoy serial killers. Again: not horror. I also don't like cannibalistic cousins, or people who like to make people hurt each other. Crazy? Yes. Horror? NO. I can see that for free at any family gathering, or at my local neighborhood bar.

I am looking forward to good movies this month. I hear that the sequel to 30 Days of Night is out today--hooray! Yes, the original movies had its faults, but the graphic novels are outstanding. Steve Niles creates an atmosphere of desolation and despair that I usually see only in the workplace, lol.

Okay. I am off to teach a class. I hope you're finding what you're looking for, whatever that may be. And if you find a good horror movie that fits my standards, do let me know.

Oh, yeah--before I forget, I mean to remind you that NaNo is coming.

25 July, 2010

I want to start off by owning my exciting experience. YES...I was one of the many massage therapists who volunteered services to help the helpers of the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Crew when they came to Baltimore.

Although it would be interesting to say that I had my picture taken with a celebrity, or that I even got a T-shirt out of the event--that wasn't the point. I offered one pair of hands and a willing heart. So many people came to lend their hands and services. It bolstered my spirits to see that. Too often, I get caught up in the news media, which shows us (in bloody and excruciating detail) what is wrong with the world. It was uplifting to be part of what is right on this spinning piece of rock; to be one of the many, many miracles upon its surface. Life is good.

Hmmm...I would be remiss if I didn't mention that there are lots of new and exciting things happening at my new office. There's a free event at Ten Thousand Villages coming up on the 31st. I'll be offering massage and intuitive Tarot readings, and there will be other people offering lots of cool things (including chocolate). Come out and join us!

Just after that, I'll be kicking off Writers' Night In on August 2nd. If you want to see more, take a look at the Events page. Maybe you would like to be part of the good stuff that's coming up soon!

And of course, I'm looking forward to seeing you in my new space. There may be events on the schedule, but I'm delighted to make room for you.

There is a secret website special somewhere on the site. It will be valid for a week. If you find it, take advantage of it. It's gone with the end of July.

I think that's all I want to say for now. I'm working on lots of new and exciting things, thanks to a lot of help from a friend. Paula, if you're reading this, you rock.

Peace. Remember: there is always room for you on my table.

I haven't had much to say here...too busy putting together my new office! The Grand Opening is happening in July. There is fun to be had, and specials, too! Call to schedule appointment time...and to admire the paint job.

I will be back soon with more to say. In the meanwhile, make sure you let me know if you're interested in Writers' Night In. It's a monthly night for writers that will start in August. We'll chat, we'll snack, and we'll write, write, and write some more. We're going to have fun.

Speaking of writing, we're just a few months away from NaNoWriMo! I'm going to see if I can register my office as a writer-friendly spot. We'll get in some good writing time, and then everyone can win!

That's all for now. I'll be back here soon.

The Aromatherapy workshop (on June 6th) was a blast! Thanks to all who participated. We learned, we laughed, we crafted!

My plan is to continue to offer workshops, classes, retreats, and other learning events. I love doing them, and they are fun for everyone. If you have a topic in mind, and you would like to request my presence for an event, click here to contact me. I would be delighted to discuss the possibilities!

In other news: It looks as though I'll be setting up a new office location in the very near future. *Insert Xander's version of the Snoopy dance* Hooray! I'll continue to offer massage and other treatments in my existing space. This is an expansion...an adventure.

I'm looking forward to hearing from those of you who want to come along.

Just a few more days until the early signup for my June aromatherapy class is upon us. Come learn with me! Click here for details.

On Happy Endings in Massage Therapy

11 April: I recently received an email asking whether I provide happy endings. My answer is emphatically YES.

My version of a happy ending is where my client tips well, reschedules for the next week, tells their friends about me, and walks away with increased range of motion and zero-to-minimal pain, feeling as though they are walking on a cloud.

Perhaps this answer is a little glib. Although I am a fairly sensitive person, I have been in this field for a handful of years. As such, I've developed something of a thick skin around the idea of people who are calling for sex work.

I do believe that we need sex work. It has a place in our society--in every society, apparently, since it is widely acknowledged as one of our oldest professions. (I will, however, freely admit that the loss of the 'Therapeutic Services' category of Craigslist, which is now utilized almost entirely by sex workers, still stings.) Regardless of the penalties, we continue to create a market for this group of services. While we may have a societal need for sex work--that is not the work that I have to offer.

The reality is that we are living in a society that is starving for healthy touch. Because we have experienced such a paucity of touch, and because we struggle with intimacy as a culture, US'ians (a tip of the nib to Barb Kistler, an outstanding woman at Colorado State University) sexualize both touch and touching, as well as the concept of intimacy. This removes the power of that which is a dynamic concept.

The truth is this: Any time we enter the energy field of another sentient being with the intention of helping them to heal, we are creating a powerful experience. Let us create a place of honor for that understanding.

My table is a safe space for my clients. I want every individual who visits me to feel happy, safe, and cherished during those hours. Through my practice, I am offering many types of change and healing. I work in concert with my clients to help their bodies do the work of returning to a condition of optimal balance. This is a gift that we share.

This is what I offer at my table: a gift of healing and of balance. Time to find, and create, peace. A return to the center. A journey to the Light.

I'd call that a happy ending. Wouldn't you?

And so it is.

3/15 There's a new essay on writing--well, a collection of my thoughts, anyhow; it seems too random to call it an essay--at the NaNoWriMo (Novel Writing) tab.

Ah, the Ides of March. I was talking with someone about this the other day. He made a remark that made me painfully aware that many young people don't know the significance of this date, because they are no longer required to read the play in school. Which means that just using the phrase is a great way to date myself.

Ouch.

Well, although this day was a magnificently bad one for Julius the Caesar, it doesn't have to be that for the rest of us. The day is what we make it. Let's set out to make it everything delicious that we want to come to us.

Sounds delightful.

Marching toward a healthier tomorrow...

Happy March to you!

I had an impassioned conversation with someone about food today. This is a lovely woman who comes from Paris, France. She described her shock and dismay at how difficult it is to find real food in the United States. (By "real food", she meant food that has nutritional value. Remember that?) The real food seems to be in hiding...and when one actually finds it, the cost is sadly inflated. Institutions talk about the "epidemic of obesity", but it's difficult to see that vendors are taking that too seriously when chips cost $1 per bag, but one can still spend $3.69 on three oranges at the grocery store. (Okay, rant off.)

This led me to a personal challenge. I am challenging myself to a new level of awareness about nourishment. I pledge to pay closer attention to all of the ways in which I feed myself. This is likely to lead to a vigorous weeding out of all of the toxic ways I give myself rewards--not just with the occasional junk food, but with isolation and bad TV, as well. Spending time with good people is a quality way to feed my soul. It's like stretching in the sunlight on a cold afternoon: I never realize how much I have missed it until it is filling up the empty spaces in my head.

February may be over, but the sentiment is not. What if more love could heal the wounds we carry? I plan to begin my March by thinking bigger. I plan to pay attention to the acts of self-love I am creating...to be a conscious co-creator of what I am buying (and buying into) with my dollars and attention.

One of my first acts of nourishment was to join the Association for Size Diversity and Health. This group is closely aligned with the Health at Every Size movement. Their mission includes a delicious attention to the promotion of health and well-being, and to help free us all from weight-based assumptions and discrimination.

What will you do to feed your spirit this month? Will you write a poem? Slip a belated valentine into someone's locker? Take a new class? Share your favorite cupcake? Take your dog for a walk on a new path?

Try something special and new, regardless of your body size or shape. Don't let the numbers stop you.

There's health enough for every body.

Pass it on.

See you at the table,
Tanisia

I think I just got the equivalent of a smack on the wrist from the universe. Recently, I met with someone with the intent to relay information. It was only later that I realized that, though circumstances (and my temper, to some extent) intervened, the individual--whom I had believed to be eccentric, but essentially harmless--had actually intended to offer me harm.

I am grateful that the lesson came on such a small scale. I now realize that I am far more likely to allow myself to see kindness and friendly intentions without questioning than I am to see other things. When I see malice, I am likely to dismiss what I see as a fault in my own filters (unless it's one of those days when I think everyone has a hidden sword in their canes, and I'm breaking out the chocolate and chips).

Although I feel shaken, I give thanks that I do not have to live in fear. The truth is that what I give my attention to will grow. I choose to focus on creating a growing awareness of my filters, and allowing myself to give credence to everything I see. Seeing something that I'm not particularly fond of is a better choice than ignoring messages and early-warning systems.

I hope your week has been a smidgen less intense than this.

I just read an impassioned essay that inspired me to change the pricing on the intuitive services I offer. The author said (among other things) that some people, when offered the chance to have a pay-per-minute experience, just don't stop themselves. I had not considered this. The author wasn't singling me out specifically, but the message resonated with me regardless. I have adjusted the fees on the 'Intuitive Consultation' page, and added a nifty Paypal button. When you are ready, just pay on the website--you won't have to give me your financial information! Go take a look.

Happy, happy March! I am feeling a little bit nervous about all of the new changes that I am creating right now. I am finally out of the closet about being a psychic intuitive, and I've been looking for a professional association to join that is a good match for my ethical beliefs. (Why was I in the closet? Sometimes I'm a little shy.) So far, I have only been able to locate a fairly short list of professional organizations. After I find more, I will start a process of comparison.

What kind of ethics? Well...I want to sign up with a group of honest people. I only give honest readings. That is, I don't make stuff up. I don't embellish. I don't showboat. I have seen it done, and it's not pretty. It serves neither the client nor the reader. I believe that I have a responsibility to pass along the messages that I receive. It's part of the way that I honor Spirit.

We'll see. I'll keep you posted on how it is going. I will ask you a favor, though: if you write to ask me about the psychic thing, please...skip the lottery question. If I have the winning Lottery numbers, I'm giving them to charity. After I remove a small administrative fee. (Oh, come on, that's funny.)

I am just about to launch a group of new massage packages that I know you're going to enjoy. I'm looking forward to that, and I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback about them.

After a long courtship, I just joined the Association for Size Diversity and Health. (Health: it's not just for skinny people.) I like their principles, and I believe that we are in agreement about a great many things.

For those of you who have wondered: YES, I am massaging full-time now. I am very excited about that. I am offering massage, readings, handcrafted soaps, salts, salves, and other bath-and-body goodies. I hope you'll spend a little time looking around the website. There's a little something for every body.

I will not be holding office hours at Spiral Dance for the time being. If you would like to see me there, give me a call, and we'll work something out. In the meantime, stop by for a little FREE massage on Friday nights, when we have soup and soaps. (A gourmet chef cooks something delightful, and we all eat it while we watch something yummy together.) This month, we will begin watching The L Word. We are starting with Season One. If you missed anything, or if you'd like to start over with us, all sisters are welcome.

My favorite comic book store is moving! They're only going a few blocks, though. I think Randy is having some Sales of the Century before they have to pack up all those comics at the end of the month. Check out the website, or stop by the store when you have a minute.

That's all I have for now. If you stop in to see Randy, say hi for me--and you might want to pick up a copy of a new book titled Chew.

Send me your questions, your greetings, your--well, you know. I would be delighted to hear from you. Between now and then, take good care of yourself. The world is counting on it.

Light to you,
Tanisia

February is here! So much happens during this month that it's hard to keep the lists straight in my mind. Black History Month, Valentine's Day, Presidents' Day, Susan B. Anthony's birthday, and...well...Mardi Gras. Well, lots happened in January. I was awarded a certificate from the Mayor's office in recognition of volunteer service done in 2009. While I am proud of that certificate, I am also looking forward to the opportunity to serve in 2010.

Another thing that happened in January was that I began availability at Spiral Dance. While my hours are a work in progress, you can always call, text, or email to determine where you might catch up with me.

This month, I am suggesting a focus on the self. I have been busy in my soap lab, making soaps, salts, and all sorts of goodies. You can see a few of my creations here. Remember, I am always open to custom requests for bath and body products. If you live in Baltimore, you can pick them up at Spiral Dance Womyn's Center, where I have products on the shelves, or you may call, text or email to place an order.

I am considering adding an online scheduling service, such as Schedulicity. That would offer you the opportunity to schedule online, without having to call or play phone tag. I would love to hear from you about whether this is something that you would be interested in seeing here. Call, text, email, or just contact me from the site to give me your two cents.

This is a renewal year for both my Maryland license and my National Certification through the National Certification Board of Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. That means I may get to attend some interesting workshops and learn some new techniques! Although I think I may have fulfilled nearly all of the requirements already, I am looking forward to this. I really enjoy learning.

That is all for now. I look forward to hearing your comments and meeting you on the table. Between now and then, be happy, be well, and know that you are loved.

I am really grateful that the holidays are over. It's nice to be able to return life to its regular size and shape. All of the rushing about during the holiday season can be exhausting. January is a great time for me to start reclaiming myself.

One of the interesting things that always happens for me around this time of year is that I find myself wondering how to add more of the festivities of December into my daily routine. In theory, the reason that we did all of that running was that we wanted to celebrate the opportunities to spend time together, wasn't it?...Well, what are we waiting for?

I am having some "what-am-I-waiting-for" moments in my life. I have made some changes, and I am realizing just how much I want to add to my To Do lists. I'm looking forward to more of the things that I love!

On another note--for those of you who remember Womyn-only space: Brace yourselves. Beginning this month (January), I will be offering treatments for womyn at the Spiral Dance Womyn's Center at 2505 East Oliver. My office hours are a work in progress, but I do expect to be there Mondays, Fridays, and some Saturdays (for the writing group). I am offering special pricing for treatments at the Womyn's Center. Call or text me at 443.803.4876 to request details.

National Novel Writing Month is here! I did start a page to discuss my adventures with NaNoWriMo, as it is affectionately called by participants. Go HERE to track my progress. This is my first year playing with one of these widgets--I will do my best to feed it periodically, or whatever it might need in order to remain current. I look forward to your calls, texts, and emails cheering me on towards the goal!

The NaNoWriMo focus group has morphed into a regular writing group at Spiral Dance. Female writers, we welcome you! We are discussing the novel throughout November, of course--but after that, we'll talk about everything else. So far, the group is setting the parameters. It looks as though we will be a critique group, helping one another to edit and polish our work. Some of us will be working towards publication, while others just want to hone their craft. Whatever your reason, women writers, you are welcome at the group. The next meeting will take place on Saturday, 14 November from 12-1 p.m. at Spiral Dance Womyn's Center on East Oliver Street. Come for the group, and stay for the friendly space!

This month's special is centered around intuitive consultation. I don't talk about it much, but I suppose I am officially out of the closet now. I have offered this service since 1993. I am deeply committed to the truth of this work, and I can hardly begin to tell you how disturbed I was in the '80s and '90s when scandal after scandal was prevalent in the media. I understand that some people in this field are less than ethical, for various reasons. There are shysters in every field. That doesn't mean I have to like it. When we do this work together, what you will always hear from me is the truth.

Enough said.

I have something exciting to tell you very soon. We are getting closer to a revelation. I can't wait to share my secret with you! Stay tuned...

National Novel Writing Month is almost upon us! I am preparing for not only my own noveling journey in November, but also I am planning to help get some other people ready. You may recall that I was signing up to run a workshop at Spiral Dance Womyn's Center on Oliver Street in the City. Well, it's kind of a workshop, and kind of the brand-new writing group over there--hooray! And there's room for any interested female writer to join us. Don't worry about what you have or don't have--you don't need a fancy plot, or characters with a pedigree, or anything, really. Just come with the willingness to sign up for the ride.

I'm going to try something new this year, I think. My NaNo adventure is going to have its own page. Stay tuned!

If you are interested in signing up for National Novel Writing Month, which is a month-long writing extravaganza with the goal of creating a novel of 50,000 words or more within the month of November, click HERE to go to their website. It's FREE to sign up and participate. Once you sign up, show up. Check out the Maryland regional page in the Forums. There are plenty of write-ins happening, where many writers get together and sit down somewhere and write.

November isn't here yet. In the meanwhile, we are sliding towards the holidays. The days are shorter, the nights are busier, and our calendars are more crowded. How does that feel? Holidays bring up their own baggage of hopes and expectations, plans and disappointments. Add an abundance of food and drink that we normally eschew, alongside our subconscious beliefs that somehow, this year we can make everything perfect and/or put paid to our childhood holiday memories...and that makes this a precariously-balanced time, indeed.

Start planning your self-care regime for the holidays. Give yourself the gift of staying present. You'll be amazed what a difference it can make.

On Finding Someone to Carry You

Welcome! How was your September?

My September slipped away in a sweet, mad rush. I am surprised to find that the month is October already. Oh, I know the signs...and I should have been prepared for something to change when Honeycrisp apples became available...but I just couldn't do it. I just wasn't ready for the past few mornings, when the sun has made a token appearance, but he seems to be packing his bags and heading out to Bermuda.

As some of you may recall, another fabulous thing is taking place in October. This is the month of preparation for National Novel Writing Month. National Novel Writing Month happens every November. It is a challenge to write a novel of 50,000 words or more within the month of November. Anyone can sign up, and it is completely free. The process is empowering and fantastic. I will be writing again this year, and I hope to hear that you will, too.

I will be leading a workshop about National Novel Writing Month. That workshop will take place at Spiral Dance Womyn's Center (HERE). If you would like more information about that, check out the website, or contact me. Basically, because I am a winner of NaNoWriMo in previous years (and because I love it), I am planning to show people how to get ready to write a book in a month. Maybe it seems a little overwhelming, because of the number of words--don't let that intimidate you. It's easy and fun.

I am grateful to say that I have been feeling MUCH better, as I continue to recover from my surgery. It's interesting--I still feel as though a switch was flipped in my brain. Even though my surgery was not intended to be of the life-threatening variety, it WAS major surgery, and there were those who met me pre-surgery and told me with fatalistic glee, "You could DIE." More than ever now, I am very aware of what is important, and what I am meant to be doing with my life. I can see areas where I have made glaring errors, and where I need to make a change. My previous cushion seems to be gone, though. My brain is urging me to make those change now, now, NOW.

I have mentioned that I have a secret. I still have that secret, and I plan to reveal it...but I'm not saying when. Yes, I am giving myself a little cushion, just in case. I invite you to continue to call, text, or email with your questions or requests for appointment time.

All levity aside: something else happened in September. Someone I know attempted suicide. I won't quote statistics or tell you the story, which is primarily because it's not my story to tell. I just want to say that we all get there sometimes...we all go to a dark place where we have lost all hope. The despair may be real, but that feeling of aloneness, of separation, is just an illusion. Not one of us is EVER alone.

If you are living with depression or an unchecked mental illness (whether that's because you're not taking medications, or the ones that you're taking aren't working), there is help. If you're in a bad place, and you're thinking of hurting yourself, please pick up the phone. Don't listen to that voice that tells you it's too late, or that no one wants to listen. People really do care. There is hope for you. There is help for you. Call a friend or loved one, or call a toll-free number, even in the middle of the night. Here are two:

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

HERE is a link to a list of suicide hotlines.

HERE is a link to the Kristin Brooks Hope Center, which can help you find programs and resources.

If you live in Maryland and you would like to have counseling, but the cost is a concern, call the Pro Bono Counseling Project at (410) 323-5800 for information about FREE help.

I am not a mental health counselor. I want to share this information with you because we share this life together. When one of us suffers, we all suffer. I want us all to have hope in our lives. One life lost is far too many.

Joss Whedon wrote (in the brilliant Firefly):

"If you can't run, you walk. If you can't walk, you crawl. If you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you."

Sometimes that's what we all need.

Big changes are coming

I am feeling better and better these days. Some of it has to do with the excitement of having a secret. Oh, I can't tell you what it is quite yet, but I will say that it's huge, and it will give us far more time to spend together. For now, keep sending the phone calls, texts, and emails my way. I love hearing from you and getting energy from your ideas.

Health at Every Size, a/k/a What's the big idea?

I want to share some information with you. Despite the longtime prevalence of polls and other statistical information suggesting that five pounds over one's desired weight means that you have suddenly entered heart attack country--a new truth is emerging.

The idea of living in a healthy body has more to do with the way we treat the body that we live in, than the size of that body. If we eat well and find joy in movement and in leading a balanced lifestyle, that is one of the best ways that we can live.

Notice that I started that last sentence with the phrase "If we eat well and find joy in movement...". I am by no means giving anyone permission to spend their days wrapped around a palette of Frito-Lay products, and washing those things down with fizzy brown glop. Our bodies were made to be in motion, and, efficient machines that they are, if they find that we are not utilizing our resources, our bodies find ways to consolidate. My experience, as a therapist who helps people to live well in their bodies, has been that it's best to avoid that.

Simple sugars--sodas, chips, candy bars--have immediate access to our bloodstream once consumed. That means that it takes very little time between the time we choose a Reese's and the time we feel the effect...and the time we feel the crash. Complex sugars--fruits,vegetables, agave syrup, etc.--go through our body's digestive process. The body processes these foods at a slow and steady pace, giving us constant access to the stability that our systems can experience when we break them down. There's no crash for most of us after we eat an apple--but then, there is no high, either.

The truth is that we live in a culture that can't seem to make up its mind. It's not just that food commercials are everywhere; no, that's not the issue at all. The problem is that we are urged to keep consuming, as though each of us is a bottomless pit of want. Food is, of course, not the only culprit; other items are sold in this matter. But when we consume food in the way that the media urges us to do, it has an effect on our bodies. That effect varies, depending on a number of things, including what was happening with our metabolisms at the beginning of the roller coaster ride.

Clearly, I am no nutritionist. I say this to point out a few things:

1. Food choices impact the size of our bodies.
2. Food choices impact the shape of our bodies.
3. Food choices impact the stability of our moods.
4. The ways in which we metabolize foods are individualized. (Example: I have a thin sister. If she eats a candy bar, she just recycles the wrapper and move on. If I eat a candy bar, I gain a pound.)

And of course, we can find our joy somewhere else. All that the dancing sodas and the coy chocolate commercials can do is entertain us...they don't have to entice us. Despite what those commercials suggest, a burger, a beer, and a fist full of candies are not an instant pathway to nirvana. We can find other ways to joy.

Everyone can find a way. Body size and shape need not stand between where we are and where we would like to be. We start where we are. That's the gift of it.

The Health at Every Size movement gives everyone permission to feel good about who they are, where they are, and to treat our bodies well. This is not a trick or a means of coercion, like the diets from the seventies (which extolled the virtues of "love yourself--now lose that lard!"). It's a simple platform about loving ourselves more...which is always an investment that yields a fine return.

On the Health at Every Size page, you will find some information about the movement itself, some Internet resources, and some contact data, in case you would like to talk with a HAES professional. Go look. It's worth your time.

I want to make a couple of reading suggestions for this, too. Shadow on a Tightrope: Writings by Women on Fat Oppression at Alibris.com and Losing It: America's Obsession with Weight and the Industry that Feeds On It.These are not quite light reading, but they are fascinating studies in many voices. I will note that I have linked these pages to national stores, but you can make a difference by ordering these from your local independently-owned bookstore (such as Spiral Dance Womyn's Center)...where you will get better, friendlier, faster service, and where you could probably start a discussion group and meet some like-minded people. You might like it. I'm just saying.

Waverly (32nd-Street) Farmers' Market

I love this market. While yes, it is true that I am a vegetarian and have a deep and abiding love for vegetables, I go to the Waverly Farmers' Market for more than the fabulous produce. I go there to renew my faith in humankind.

Take today, for example. I was up late looking for something I wanted online, and I got suckered in by an email that promised multiple free promotional products. I went to the website, personalized each one with my business information, and put them in my virtual shopping cart. As you can imagine, that took a little time. Finally, I finished putting the final touches on the last item, and I clicked on my cart...which had decided that, no, I didn't deserve those specials after all. Every formerly free item I had customized had been reverted to its normal price. *Sigh*

Add that disappointment to a nasty headache, and you can imagine that I was not feeling my most cheerful this morning when I and my beloved leapt from the car. (Full disclosure: we went very, very late today. We were on a mission to buy peaches, tomatoes, and the outstanding cheese they sell at South Mountain Creamery--which, as it turns out, they will deliver to your very door. Oh, sweet mercy.) It was hot and crowded, and I was charmed neither by the throng, nor by its attendant sounds of happy people laughing and talking with one another. But then, minutes before I was ready to give up and take myself and my bad mood to my couch, where I could sulk in private--a pocket of people opened before me, and I felt myself smiling. Just like that.

There was a woman standing in the clearing. She was a fairly diminutive woman, possessed of salt-and-pepper hair, soft blue-grey eyes, and an aura of calm. I met her through a very nice fellow I had known for only a few hours. He and I had been talking, and I was standing on the doorstep, planning to take my leave when he told me that his mother was coming to lead a sunset meditation. There was a slight pause, and then he asked if I would like to join them.

I don't know whether this has ever happened to you, but I felt as though the earth around me was holding its breath. There was a scene in the movie City of Angels, wherein the angels are holding the hearts of two men in a convenience store where a shooting is about to take place. I felt as though someone were holding my heart then; as though that someone whispered yes. And so I stayed.

Although I am by no means a stranger to meditation, I have fallen away from my daily practice. Nevertheless, I was not expecting to feel such a powerful experience of being away and of being here at the very same time. It was one of the most intense meditative sessions that I have ever enjoyed.

When I saw this woman today, my anger and resentment fell away, and I felt transported to that place of powerful calm which I had visited during the meditation. What a gift. Even my headache was gone. (My teachers at Centers for Spiritual Living would remind me that this state is always available. I just have to be willing to drop my resentments in order to reach it, since it takes both arms to carry that much joy.)

While I am not suggesting that the lot at the corner of 33rd and whatever-that-street-is-called is some sort of magical nexus that joins Earth to an alternate healing dimension--or that it was MORE of a magical nexus than usual today--I will certainly say that I believe the place is worth visiting. Something wonderful always happens.

Go see for yourself.

Free Comic Book Day

Just a few words on this: yes, it's true. There's no trick. There's no gimmick. On Saturday, May 2, you can go to your local comic book store and obtain a comic book completely free! If you're not sure where it is, you can find out here: Free Comic Book Store Locator

Of course, while you're there, you may want to pick up some old favorites, or even find some new ones! You are welcome to contact me for suggestions. Click HERE for advice. I will freely admit that I love comic books. You can visit my favorite comic book store here: Collectors Corner. When you go, say hi to Randy for me.

On Suds and Bubbles

Soapmaking is one of my favorite things. There is truly something magical about mixing a few simple ingredients together and then walking away with a fresh bar of soap.

If you are interested in soapmaking--whether you wonder what goes into a bar of soap, or whether you would like to try your hand at it--then you might want to check out Back to Basics Girls, Inc. (www.btbgirls.com), where I will be presenting a workshop about this craft on April 25.

Safety first! Everyone will wear goggles and a pair of gloves. (You can always bring your own.)

You are welcome to request a workshop for your group or organization. Just call, and we will talk about the details.

I look forward to seeing you there!

On Writing

Okay, I'll admit it: I see imaginary people. Not only do I see them, but I usually have a lot to say about who they are, what they are doing, and lots of times, why they shouldn't be doing it. Yes, faithful readers...I am a writer. What do I write? Oh, I write many different things: poetry, fiction, and nonfiction essays. To paraphrase Jonette Napolitano: Writing is fire.

Every November, I write a novel. Yes, you read that correctly; and you can do it, too. National Novel Writing Month happens every November. The challenge is to write a novel comprised of 50,000 words or more solely within the month of November. That may sound like a lot of words, but if you write every day, it is a commitment of less than 1,700 words per day.

It is perfectly legal to plot, scheme, and develop your characters beforehand, but you may count towards your word count only words that were written within November. It's FREE, it's fun, and it's fantastic. There is a version for children/young adults, too. Some schools participate--including higher education. College students, do not despair. Some among you have earned credits for participation. For more information, check out the website: http://www.nanowrimo.org

WRITERS: Would you like to join a Baltimore-based face-to-face group that will meet for discussion and critique of our works? The gathering may also take the NaNoWriMo plunge together in November. Drop me a line and let me know what you're thinking. I look forward to talking with you about one of my passions.

Since I'm bragging, I would like to show this off:

My 2008 NaNo novel was 54,402 words long. Yes, it was a very creative November.

The best thing about NaNoWriMo is that it gives me a chance to turn off my inner editor and find out what I'm really capable of. If I can write an entire novel in a month, then I can do anything! Now, having said that: I'm not churning out Shakespeare during those 30 days, but I'm writing a whole book. That's pretty impressive, if I say so myself. I think it's Holly Lisle who says that anything you write can be fixed...but it can't get fixed until you get it on the page. November reminds me to just write. It will all work out, and I'll get everywhere I want to go, if I just sit down and do it. What a way to simplify the process, eh?

If you're unfamiliar with Holly Lisle, then I'll give you a brief introduction: she is a generous and talented writer of thrillers and fantasy who has published TONS of free (and not-free, for those of you who are "It's worth what you pay for it" purists) writing advice on her website. There are workshops and essays and poetry and free chapters and...oh, I'm gushing again. Whether you're a reader or a writer, you will want to find out more about Ms. Lisle. Let me just give you the link, and then you can look it up for yourself: http://www.hollylisle.com

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